Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts

Monday, March 5, 2012

This is your Talmud. This is your Talmud on Purim. Any questions?


A wee bit of ancient Purim humor, courtesy of the Talmud (Megillah 7b):

אמר רבא מיחייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי 
Raba said: It is the duty of a man to cheer himself [with alcohol] on Purim until he cannot tell the difference between "cursed be Haman" and "blessed be Mordecai."    
OK, so that's not the funny part, although it is notable as the original, classic example of a rabbi encouraging drunkenness.  Furthermore, it sets the stage for the following vignette:
רבה ורבי זירא עבדו סעודת פורים בהדי הדדי איבסום קם רבה שחטיה לרבי זירא למחר בעי רחמי ואחייה לשנה אמר ליה ניתי מר ונעביד סעודת פורים בהדי הדדי אמר ליה לא בכל שעתא ושעתא מתרחיש ניסא
Rabbah and Rabbi Zeira joined together in a Purim feast. They became drunk, and Rabbah arose and cut Rabbi Zeira's throat.  On the next day, Rabbah prayed on his colleague's behalf and revived him.
The next year, Rabbah said, "Join me again for the Purim feast together."

Rabbi Zeira replied, "[No thanks, big guy.] A miracle may not take place every time."
We don't rely on miracles, especially when knives are involved.  Happy Purim!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Name That Jewish Value - Terumah 5772

Welcome to Adar.  In the spirit of the season, I’d like to offer you the following:

A man was boasting about the piety of his rabbi.

“My rabbi, may he live to be 120, is so pious that he fasts every day - except, of course, for Saturdays and holidays.”

“How can that be true?” asked his friend.  “Why, just this morning I saw your rabbi eating breakfast.”

“That shows how much you know,” replied the first man.  “You see, my rabbi is very modest about his piety.  If he eats, it is only to hide from others the fact that he is fasting.”  [Big Book of Jewish Humor, Novak & Waldoks, p. 198]
I’ve been having an ongoing curricular discussion with Danny Mishkin, Temple Israel’s Director of the Youth House and Teen Engagement, on the subject of Jewish values.  In rethinking the Youth House, he has insisted that classes be focused on teaching these values, and as such has re-oriented my thinking about what we do here educationally.  His goal is to help teenagers build, if you will, “Jewish-colored glasses” - that is, to encourage them to view the world according to Jewish values, and act on them.  A secondary goal is to help parents of teens and the rest of the community appreciate what their children are learning, by having them present their work at the end of each unit, and thus bringing them into the conversation as well.

My question for you today is, “What is a Jewish value?”

Truth is, I had not thought too deeply about this until very recently.  Had I been asked that question 12 years ago, before I started cantorial school, I’m not sure if I would have known how to respond.  This is, of course, not a good sign, as I am a proud product of the Conservative movement.  I grew up attending a Conservative synagogue regularly on Shabbat and holidays, attending Hebrew school, becoming bar mitzvah, and continuing in the Hebrew High School at the same place; I also spent summers at Camp Ramah and participated in USY.  In college, I affiliated with Hillel and attended the Conservative minyan there.  After grad school, I taught Hebrew school at the Conservative congregation in Manchester, New Hampshire, and when I moved to Houston, single and in my mid-20s, I joined a Conservative congregation, read Torah regularly, and sang in the choir.

Even given all of that, had you forced me to identify Jewish values, I’m not sure I could have pointed to more than giving tzedaqah and the principle of 613 mitzvot, and I would have been hard-pressed to name a long list of these mitzvot.

So now I’m going to give what might be called a “pop quiz.”  Read the following passage from the Torah, Parashat Terumah, Exodus 25:1-8.  Can you infer any Jewish values from this text?

א וַיְדַבֵּר יְהוָה, אֶל-מֹשֶׁה לֵּאמֹר.  ב דַּבֵּר אֶל-בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְיִקְחוּ-לִי תְּרוּמָה:  מֵאֵת כָּל-אִישׁ אֲשֶׁר יִדְּבֶנּוּ לִבּוֹ, תִּקְחוּ אֶת-תְּרוּמָתִי.  ג וְזֹאת, הַתְּרוּמָה, אֲשֶׁר תִּקְחוּ, מֵאִתָּם:  זָהָב וָכֶסֶף, וּנְחֹשֶׁת.  ד וּתְכֵלֶת וְאַרְגָּמָן וְתוֹלַעַת שָׁנִי, וְשֵׁשׁ וְעִזִּים.  ה וְעֹרֹת אֵילִם מְאָדָּמִים וְעֹרֹת תְּחָשִׁים, וַעֲצֵי שִׁטִּים.  ו שֶׁמֶן, לַמָּאֹר; בְּשָׂמִים לְשֶׁמֶן הַמִּשְׁחָה, וְלִקְטֹרֶת הַסַּמִּים.  ז אַבְנֵי-שֹׁהַם, וְאַבְנֵי מִלֻּאִים, לָאֵפֹד, וְלַחֹשֶׁן.  ח וְעָשׂוּ לִי, מִקְדָּשׁ; וְשָׁכַנְתִּי, בְּתוֹכָם
The Lord spoke to Moses, saying: Tell the Israelite people to bring Me gifts; you shall accept gifts for Me from every person whose heart so moves him.  And these are the gifts that you shall accept from them: gold, silver, and copper; blue, purple and crimson yarns, fine linen, goats' hair; tanned ram skins, dolphin skins, and acacia wood; oil for lighting, spices for the anointing oil and for the aromatic incense; lapis lazuli and other stones for setting, for the ephod and for the breastpiece.  And let them make Me a sanctuary that I may dwell among them. (New JPS translation)


The values that I see immediately here are volunteering/generosity, community, building nice places in which to worship, and the presence of God.  If we dig a little deeper, we might find others.  

(BTW: Ramban (Spain/Israel 1194-1270 CE) says that the building of the mishkan, which immediately follows the episode at Sinai, is essentially a way for the Israelites to continue the conversation with God.  Perhaps this suggests the value of tefillah.)

What are the most important Jewish values that you can think of?

Tzedaqah
Mitzvot
Learning
Social action / Tiqqun Olam (“repairing the world”)
Holiness
Prayer
God
Limits
Modesty and piety (as with joke above)

Now, not all of these are exclusively Jewish, but they are all definitely principles that Judaism upholds.

Here are Danny’s top three Jewish values:

Hakhnasat Orhim - welcoming guests, and this might refer not just into your homes or into the synagogue, but also welcoming those on the periphery of the Jewish community into the center

Avoiding Avodah Zarah - not making idols, and perhaps more specifically the false idols of the wider society - pursuing material goods over good relationships, the whole range of activities that we undertake for selfish interests only

Im ein ani li mi li, ukhshe’ani le’atzmi mah ani? (Pirqei Avot 1:14) - your wants do not outweigh the needs of others

I think that this discussion speaks to the central question of Jewish identity in today’s world.  That is, how can we maintain our Jewishness when there are no barriers to complete assimilation into the wider society, and we are (on the whole) not committed to traditional Jewish practice?  (Aside: Poll numbers from Gallup released last week showed that among American religious groups, Jews have the highest well-being, and are also the least “religious.”)

There are, of course, many different ways to be Jewish, and many types of Jews.  Speaking not as a rabbi but as a lifelong Conservative Jew, I would say that all of us in the Conservative movement are committed to living a life that is distinctly Jewish but not isolated from the wider society.  That is, the vast majority of us embrace most holiday observances and lifecycle events, and we believe in teaching our children something about Judaism.  Many of us practice some form of kashrut.  But as far as an ongoing, daily commitment to every jot and tittle of traditional Jewish religious observance, most of us are not in the same place as many of those who identify as Orthodox.

So that leaves us with this essential question: how can we make our daily lives infused with Judaism, if many of us do not see ourselves as living within what the Rabbis called “arba amot shel halakhah,” the four cubits of personal observance of Jewish law*?  

This is a question that I wrestle with daily.

People often suggest (especially on weekdays when we don’t make a minyan) that the rabbi should speak more forcefully from the pulpit about fulfilling various aspects of halakhah, of Jewish law.  Although I have done this occasionally (for example, two years ago on Yom Kippur I spoke about “turning off” for Shabbat), I am not convinced that it is an effective use of this space.

Rabbi Stecker and I could stand up here on this pulpit and exhort this entire community (or at least the ones in the room) to pray three times daily in a minyan, to get all your suits checked for sha’atnez (the prohibited mixture of wool and linen), to commit to wearing tefillin (yes, even the women), not to spend money or drive anywhere (except to Temple Israel**) on Shabbat, and so forth.

But most of us are not likely to embrace significant changes in our Jewish practice, or at least, in accord with the philosopher Franz Rosenzweig’s famous pronouncement on the subject, “not yet.”  Most of us are comfortable with the moderate approach that has become the de facto, if not the ideological stance of the Conservative movement - that is, a traditional, egalitarian synagogue experience and some home rituals and lifecycle events, but without the communal expectations for public and private halakhic observance that the Orthodox world demands.

(By the way, did you see the article in the New York Times about Tibet’s favorite food?  Apparently, the Dalai Lama, who is expected to be a vegetarian in accordance with Buddhist values, occasionally eats meat outside of his compound in Dharamsala, India.  In other words, he keeps a kosher home, but eats treyf out.)

Returning to the question of maintaining Jewish identity, I think that Danny is onto something here, and that something is the set of Jewish values that we have already identified.  That is, we should try to orient our thinking such that we understand that everything that we do, that all the choices we make, can be seen as extensions of our Jewish selves.  If we envision our lives through the lens of these Jewish values, we have a better chance of maintaining an ongoing relationship with the set of principles that define Judaism.

Let’s take, for example, hakhnasat orhim, welcoming guests.  There are many ways we can act on this value.  Yes, we can open our homes to others, just as Avraham Avinu opened his tent to the strangers who were walking in the desert.  But what are some other ways to welcome?

Welcoming people in this building - making this a true place of comfort for all
Inviting “the other” into your life / activities
Getting to know your neighbors
Being involved with your community, and bringing others with you
Making school, work, synagogue, street, etc. a safe, welcoming space for everybody

All of these things, which can include many sub-activities (e.g. greeting somebody, giving directions to the sanctuary, engaging a visitor in conversation, and so forth), can all be understood as acting on the Jewish value of hakhnasat orhim.  

Point is, we can take all of the Jewish values that we have listed, and re-frame our thinking such that we see all of our daily activities as flowing from our Jewish identity.  These are things we can teach to our children, and speak of when we are at home and away.

Here’s a suggestion for an “assignment” that you might want to take on: find a Jewish value to which you would like to commit.  Print it out and stick it to your refrigerator door with a magnet.  Put it on a sticky note in your wallet.  And then pay attention to what you do every day, and see if you are living up to that value.

Behatzlahah!  Good luck.  Shabbat shalom!


~
Rabbi Seth Adelson

(Originally delivered at Temple Israel of Great Neck, Shabbat morning, February 25, 2012.)



* Talmud Bavli, Massekhet Berakhot 8a
הכי אמר רב חסדא מאי דכתי' (תהילים פז) אוהב ה' שערי ציון מכל משכנות יעקב אוהב ה' שערים המצויינים בהלכה יותר מבתי כנסיות ומבתי מדרשות
והיינו דאמר ר' חייא בר אמי משמיה דעולא מיום שחרב בית המקדש אין לו להקב"ה בעולמו אלא ארבע אמות של הלכה בלבד
Thus said R. Hisda: What is the meaning of the verse: “The Lord loves the gates of Zion more than all the dwellings of Jacob” (Psalm 87:2)? The Lord loves the gates that are distinguished through Halachah more than the Synagogues and Houses of study.  

And this conforms with the following saying of R. Hiyya b. Ammi in the name of Ulla: Since the day that the Temple was destroyed, the Holy One, blessed be He, has nothing in this world but the four cubits of Halachah alone.


** In 1950, the Rabbinical Assembly’s Committee on Jewish Law and Standards passed a teshuvah / responsum on the Shabbat that said that if you do not live within walking distance to a synagogue, it is better to drive than to stay at home for Shabbat.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

C'mon, Get Happy! - Kavvanah for Rosh Hodesh Adar, 2/23/2012


There is only one appropriate message for Rosh Hodesh Adar, the beginning of month of Adar, which contains the raucous, festive holiday of Purim:

מי שנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה
Mi shenikhnas Adar, marbin besimhah.
When we enter Adar, our joy increases.

These are also the lyrics to a fun song that Rabbi Stecker and I sing with the Beth HaGan nursery school this time of year; my daughter and son have been singing it around the house since Tu Bishvat.  But that line is really only half of the story.  The original context, from the Talmud (Ta'anit 29a), goes as follows:

אמר רב יהודה בריה דרב שמואל בר שילת משמיה דרב כשם שמשנכנס אב ממעטין בשמחה כך משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה
Rav Yehudah, the son of Rav Shemuel bar Shilat, said in the name of Rav: Just as when we enter the month of Av our joy is lessened, so when we enter Adar, our joy increases.

In other words, the Jewish calendar has emotional poles, setting aside a period for tears and an equivalent period for happiness.  In the spirit of the latter, here is a classic rabbinic story, particularly timely in light of one of last week's posts here at The Modern Rabbi:
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi are asked the question "When does life begin?"
The priest says: "The moment of conception."
The vicar replies: "The moment of birth."
The rabbi replies: "The moment the kids are married and the mortgage has been paid off."   
Buh-dump-bump.  Happy Adar!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Elul 2: The Spaces In-Between

A story is told of the famous cantor who comes for a High Holiday audition. The synagogue's ritual committee wants to hire him, but his fee is twice that of all the other candidates. "Why do you need to be paid so much?" asks the committee chair. "Do you sing twice as many notes as they do?"

"No," replied the hazzan. "You're not paying me extra for more notes. You're paying for the spaces in-between."*

The sounds of the shofar are as much about the blasts as the non-blasts; it is a deep silence that frames the sound of the shofar, a quiet that reflects our own soul-searching in the context of teshuvah / repentance. It is within this silence that we might perceive the qol demamah daqqah, the still, small Divine voice that echoes within us in moments of heavy reflection.



* The Internet suggests that this joke seems to be a variant on a quote from composer Claude Debussy, who said, "Music is the spaces between the notes." Like an evocative melody or a funny tweet, great lines travel.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Balaq 5771 - Lighten up!

(Originally delivered at Temple Israel, Shabbat morning, July 9, 2011.)

A story is told of three Jews who are comparing the holiness of their rabbis.

The first says, “My rabbi is so close to God, he trembles all the time.”
The second says, “My rabbi is so close to God that God trembles for fear of displeasing him.”
The third says, “Well, first my rabbi trembled. Then God trembled. Then my rabbi said to God, ‘Look, why should we both tremble?’”

OK, so maybe that’s not so funny. My wife Judy often reviews my sermons on Fridays, and she’s a tough critic. Some of you have told me that I should tell more jokes from the pulpit, that I am too serious. So I searched for a good joke to tell today, but none of them passed muster (i.e. the Wife-Laugh-O-Meter), and it occured to me that, there are no good jokes about the Torah that I have not already used. That’s right, I’m out of good jokes. Funny how Rabbi Stecker never seems to run out of material.

Another struggle that I have as a rabbi is the healthy tension regarding how I spend my time. This question is wrapped up in the larger question of what the role of a synagogue is. Is this building, this community center, primarily:

1. A place where people come to pray
2. A school for teaching children about Judaism
3. A learning institute where adults can discover their own path (perhaps not having found it as a child; refer back to number 2)
4. A place to celebrate benei mitzvah, weddings, and so forth
5. A community gathering place, where people come to meet others, to participate in social activities, etc.

Of course, it is a little of all of these, and many more as well. Given that Rabbi Stecker and Cantor Frieder and I only have a limited number of hours, how should we spend them?

And it's not just the clergy, of course. It's also how you, the active members of the laity, spend your time here as well. Participating with the Board of Trustees, the various arms and committees, the volunteer opportunities, helping those in need, and so forth. The tasks associated with community-building are effectively endless.

It is sometimes easy for the clergy, through various forms of work-based myopia, to miss the forest for the trees. So considering today's parashah, in particular, we might think about the message of Bil’am’s donkey. Or his apparent change of heart, turning curses into blessings. Or Balaq's foolishness.

And in doing so, we might miss the fact that THIS IS COMEDY! The aton, the she-donkey opens her mouth to speak! This was hysterical to our ancestors! And it might be to us as well, if only we did not take the Torah so seriously. Not only that, but Bil’am, who is a seer of some note, fails to see the angel by the side of the road, which even the dumb ass sees. The “seer” is blind, a witty trope that appears throughout Western literature.

Furthermore, Bil’am is supposedly so powerful that his mere pronouncements can change the course of history, but he is powerless in the face of his disobedient donkey! He needs a sword to kill it?! Ridiculous!

Bil’am is a comic figure; Balaq, who sent him, merely foolish, and the donkey comes off as the cleverest one of the bunch. Makes an ass out of all the others, you might say.

Not all of our commentators seem to be in on the joke; Pirqei Avot (5:8), from the first or second century CE, indicates that pi ha-aton, the “mouth of the ass,” was created on the sixth day of Creation just before Shabbat, grouping it with other very serious miracles.

Writing a millennium later, however, Rashi sees the irony. Here is his comment to Numbers 22:29 (לו יש חרב בידי; “If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.”):

גנות גדולה היה לו דבר זה בעיני השרים,
זה הולך להרוג אומה שלמה בפיו, ולאתון זו צריך לכלי זיין
“It is a great disgrace in the eyes of the Moabite dignitaries [with whom he is traveling] - Bil’am is going to kill an entire nation with his words, but for a donkey he needs weapons of war?!”

The authors and editors of the Torah intended it to be eclectic and entertaining. It contains a wide variety of material: history, folktales, law, poetry, songs, love stories, erotic material, and, yes, humor.

And yet, we read the passage with Bil’am's talking donkey about a half-hour ago, and I did not hear a single person laugh.

OK, so it's in an ancient language which is nearly impossible to understand, even if you speak Hebrew. OK, so te'amei ha-miqra, the cantillation melody, is not conducive to comedic timing.

We simply do not expect to read the Torah in a way that is allows us to laugh. We take it awfully seriously. And frankly, that’s how we approach much of Jewish practice - anytime we are in the sanctuary, for example.

Yes, of course we need to be serious during tefillah. We read in Mishnah Berakhot (5:1):

אין עומדין להתפלל אלא מתוך כובד ראש.
One must not stand up to pray without deep earnestness (literally, “heaviness of head”).

One cannot truly approach the Divine without being quite serious. Furthermore, says the Mishnah, some of our very pious ancestors used to sit in silence for one hour beforehand in order to prepare for prayer.

However, let me counter this with a quote from Voltaire:

"Dieu est un comédien, jouant devant un public trop effrayé pour rire."
“God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”

We are taught that holiness means to tremble before God, to feel that this is serious, and not to laugh. And yet, sometimes the higher truths can be told with levity, speaking the truth in jest, you might say. We need not fear laughter and joy in the pursuit of holiness.

That is one of the primary lessons to be gleaned from Parashat Balaq: The Torah uses comedy to relay a very serious message. As Marc Zvi Brettler put it in his Jewish Study Bible:

“At times amusing, and somewhat mocking of the non-Israelite prophet [i.e. Bil’am], the message of this pericope is serious: The intent of the Lord reigns supreme and cannot be superseded. Even the powers of a well-known non-Israelite prophet are ultimately controlled by God.”

And hence the need to think about this in the context of this particular community. Rabbi Stecker, it’s true, is funny - far funnier than I am, as we have already established. But it’s not just us, the clergy. It’s all of us. We are the ones who make this place welcoming, a synagogue where all will want to gather and feel at home, where joy and levity are an integral part of the synagogue experience.

Services should be respectful, but not dour; we can find that sweet spot that incorporates levity and joy and yet still play by the rules.

To that end, I would like to offer a few suggestions for making this sanctuary and the rest of this building more welcoming to all:

Smile and greet people who you don’t know.

If somebody looks lost, find a gentle way to help him/her out.

If others are talking and it’s making it difficult for you to find your prayer space, please find a playful way to quiet them.

If a visitor is in “your” seat, use it as an opportunity to give a friendly smile and graciously sit somewhere else.

If somebody is speaking on a cell phone in the building on Shabbat or holidays, or texting, or taking photos, find a cheerful way to inform them that we discourage that. (Of course, if they’re reading my blog, let ‘em continue. Talmud Torah keneged kulam.)

Yes, we can have intellectual rigor and dignified worship and decorum. But let’s face it, folks: this community is about families! It’s about bringing people together for the sake of raising our stake in holiness. All of the things that we do, all of the ways that the clergy and everybody else devote their time, they contribute to this bottom line. And we need to go about this in an easygoing manner to do so effectively.

And yes, that’s just one more button that we have to hit as a community, one more task on an ever-growing stack - it’s not just the rabbi who can be light-hearted up here on the bimah; it’s all the rest of us as well. As we go about doing the work of building community in the pursuit of holiness, we have to do it with a smile.

Good spirits lead to a more serious understanding of what it is that we do as Jews, how we sanctify time. The donkey speaks the truth, and we only need to tremble so much.

Shabbat shalom!